why do i even bother posting depressing stuff anymore. it's gonna be a chore for me to read through my blog when i get older. 


but... i only have depressing things to say..
.....


i've never felt more alone. the entire day. i just felt like nobody wanted to talk to me. V didnt seem to want to engage in any conversations with me anymore. i seldom talk to P now. M seems nice still, though, bless her soul.


Trng was alright. the ppl were alright. but that's probably because they dont know me that well yet. they dont know me well enough to acknowledge how much of a bore i am. im guessing some of them alr do. J was nice enough to acknowledge that and yet still bother to interact with me, bless his soul. 


i have the tendency to think that ppl willing to talk to me probably just wanna fuck me. nobody really cares what you have to say. nobody cares what you think. people have needs. and those needs need to be fulfilled. 


oh what am i babbling about. i need to get work done.

stagnant. everything's stagnant. i'm making no progress in anything at all. what's happening. 


everything's at a standstill. i can only wish for this to end. 


what else can i do? take action? i could try. i can always try. 


but to what end? i'm just going to die anyway. wind up in a coffin. or scattered into the wind. 


people say it's what you have to show for when you die. that's what counts. 


but does it really matter? who do you show it to? the children? are they not going to die anyway? is the planet not going to die anyway? 


everything that is existing will cease to exist. death is inevitable. 


and that was my attempt at being morbid because i'm trying to distract myself from school work. god i need motivation. 

"you think i'm just too serious. i think you're full of shit."

i miss your touch. i miss your kisses.

i've had such a shitty week so far. seeing you only served to make my shitty week even shittier.

it's been a month now. well, i'm not actually sure how long it has been, but i don't think i've gotten over you. 

What tears me apart is you no longer looking at me the way you used to. nonchalance really does hit the hardest. i can only hope to never see you again. makes my chest ache.
.....

grading is coming soon. i'd better do well.
.....

"i wouldn't say be 'apathetic about everything', but to understand that there is a nice side to everyone."

i try to be nonchalant about the happenings around me. i try not to care. not even about the people wanting to hurt me. i try not to give a shit, but it's tiring. sometimes i just wanna beat some people's faces in.