it's the holidays!!!

Lasts only about 3 weeks but i can cope with that ^^

i've been spending money like i have infinite cash. i should probably start managing my own finance but no... temptation shall continue to grasp my feeble soul and feed on my dense spirit, for i have cash to spare for now...

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and have i mentioned how much i adore people with endless legs?? i wish i had long legs too but... oh well. short, stubby legs it is.

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i'm reaching the end of my current semester. so far so good, i guess. could be better, but i'm contented. my schedule will probably be crazily packed for the upcoming weeks. which is what i like... i find myself having SO MUCH free time. kinda makes me feel like im not doing anything to contribute to society, or even any existing zeitgeist whatsoever.

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i sent my macbook for repairs! gonna have a "brand new" macbook in a couple days, when i get it back. couldn't stand the speed it operates at anymore. it no longer lives up to what Apple claims to offer! though it's kinda my fault for leaving it on for 2 days straight hahaha.

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now i'm wondering if i should get a part time job. i'll probably do so immediately after i hand in the very last project i have this semester.

Give and take. You can never have everything you want.

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Today's WEBGRA test was alright. Okay scratch that, it was a breeze. David was there to help all of us out. He's like a saint, sent down from heaven to replace our previous teacher whose name i already cannot recall. AND he even offered to help me pull some strings to get into a filming related attachment. He has a friend working in the industry you see.


Loving this new WEBGRA teacher already.

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Talking to K about J made me realise how much i've moved on from secondary school. It's only been a year (heck, a year already?! Time flies man!) since i graduated from that ungodly excuse of a school and so many things have changed about me, and around me.

One thing's for sure, I will never turn back. I won't even look back. Reminiscence is not part of my schedule.

"i wake up, i survive, i go back to sleep"

i dun have much to say anymore. things have been rather monotonous lately. education. love. life. i can only hope for the current monotony to turn for the better. and by better, i mean any changes would be welcomed.

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Romance budding all around me. cheesiness ensues. everyone's finding new love while i'm stationary. i can only hope for this to last forever.

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My social life couldn't get any worse. well, i guess it can but i'm not satisfied with what i have. the grass is always greener on the other freaking side.

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Today was extraordinarily productive. why i find that term relevant? i do only about a quarter of what i should be accomplishing on a daily basis. today, however, found me rampaging through my outrageous amount of work. they've been piling up since eons ago, mind you.

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That's all for now. Monotonous life, like i've mentioned. pray change will come soon.

things have gotten stale. we're fighting almost everyday. well, not literally, but still. i wonder what happened to us along the way. it's probably me. yea.

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feeling a little empty today. K came over to my sch and surprise-visited me. i have to say, u really caught me off guard haha. but i had to film footage for one of my modules, so K had to go home almost as soon as i caught up with him. im really very sorry. honest.

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and J, i wish i could be a better fren. i nvr know what to say to cheer ppl up. sigh. need to read up on self help books haha. if u happen to read this, know that i still see u as one of my closest friend!

somehow leaving secondary school, us going into different institutions, changed our friendship. i know that's bound to happen, but i can still rmb us joking about gg to that herbal store tgt like best pals once we get old.

kinda glad we actually shared mutual affection at one point of time. guess we wasted that chance huh. haha. but it's okay, i love u as a fren, and i hope someday we'll be just as close as we were in secondary school :D

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every passing day i feel like my pool of vocab is... evaporating(see, i couldn't even find a better word to use). this is utterly unacceptable. like what G said, i've never felt more ... whats that word... k i cant find the right word, so to replace said word: i've never felt more ashamed about my english standard. especially after going through sem 1.1.

nvm that, i'm not good at giving speeches. i'm unable to speak in front of a bunch of strangers.

i love location videoing though! damn, i can only wish that i'll end up as an outrageously successful director in the future. and apparently, some of my seniors are working part time as video editors (and they're earning quite a sum!). i cannot wait for the next locvid assignment :D

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Was reading through the previous blog posts, and damn. what was wrong with me?

well, now that she's gone. i feel complacent. like, im not having fun anymore i guess?? no more drama? im such an ass. i really need to learn how to appreciate ppl better.

if i keep up this attitude, i might just piss off my classmates too.

be nice, me. be nice.

i need a smoke. but i havent gotten my pay yet. no money to buy ciggs man. suck balls. i shld prolly quit soon. fuck it. i want more money.

cute guys everywhere. none of them mine. shit. a couple hot babes around too. but bah, im more inclined towards men.

okay i digress.

i dont think i can trust you anymore. if anyone comes along, you'll jump at them when they give you the slightest hint of interest. i have about 5 (?) girls wanting to fuck me and im still with you.

okay maybe its because im more interested in guys then boobs.

this shit has happened twice man. sometimes i feel like you're living in denial. bah fuck it i dun know what im saying anymore.

i dunno if i love you anymore. wait. i dun think i've ever loved you. oh fuck can someone define 'love' for me??? well, i guess i'll just tell myself that everyone "in love" is going through the same shit as i.

you never really know if you're in love. if there's passion in bed, everything else is secondary.

Just waiting for you to come back now. I want her to go away. you're mine.

So I've came to this conclusion that i really am promiscuous. i wanna have sex with all the hotties. but there's only one person i love.

once she's gone, the world is ours.

im looking forward to school. but im not too, at the same time.

i want to meet new ppl. hotties preferably. or maybe juz ppl whom i can click with very well. oh darn it i juz wan a new sex mate.

once school starts, i know the entire duration of my course will fly by, juz like how it always does. it makes me feel old. i cant help but think 'whats the point in all this when we're all gonna die anyway'. it pulls me back from trying new things. from challenging myself that is. i prefer to juz drink beer and smoke all day. and maybe get laid once or twice a week. since we're gonna die, why not have fun? some ppl might disagree, and say 'instead of thinking that way, why not see it from another perspective?' i guess the only other alternative is to live life to the fullest. as in 'since we're all gonna die anyway, why not make the most of it?"

i always take things for granted. it sucks.

Mr. Cigarette is my only friend. well, at least he's the only one who can make me feel better when i'm down. those days when i go chain smoking could practically give me orgasms. swear to god.

money is a very big issue in my life.

from what i can recall, my family used to be wealthy. my mum was a model before she gave birth to my older sister, and i remember seeing her bankbook once. she had over a million bucks in her savings. alas, her brain certainly was no match for her body. she used every penny she had to pay for my stepdad's debts. tat asshole. i hope he dies. no, i hope i'll be filthy rich one day, and he'll be begging me to take him in. then i'll laugh and throw a wad of notes in his face and tell him to crawl away. wahah.

tat'll probably happen 20 years from now.

at least there's a silver lining. i have enough money in my savings to support myself. for now. i need a new job. i wanna study during the day and work at night.

i wish you'll come back sooner

i dont get why some people like to call their lovers 'booboo'.

wtf does booboo even mean?

Hello, World

Sometimes, things just don't go my way. i think i'm way too paranoid. i fear something might come between us.

i worry just how long till u tire of my presence. i fear the worst. its been a month since u left for holland. to tell the truth, i dont really know if i love you. i've been saying i do since forever, but deep down inside, i fear i've just been using u. you're not exactly my type, yet u've been everything else i ever wanted. whenever u talk about ur plans to get married, have children and whatnot, it pains me, cuz i know i can never give u tat. the other day u called me ur 'lifepartner', i was shocked. i certainly wasnt expecting tat. not from you.

or rather, i was disturbed by how uncomfortable i felt when u said that.

i think ur love for me is genuine. but im afraid it wont be reciprocated. sure, i can play pretend like i always do. but ur juz not right. i think. i'm so confused right now. i dun wanna hurt ur feelings. but i care too much about mine.

though one thing's for sure. u are the reason why i felt genuine happiness throughout our time tgt. i know u still have feelings for tat gal. she was 'the best [you] ever had' after all. as much as i would like to experience jealousy, i cant bring myself to. i dun deserve to.

sure, i'd cry if you leave me. but if it's for the best, i say why not. i dun wanna hold u back. i'm promiscuous, i admit. and i've been hiding things from you. but there's no need to mention tat here.

just a rant, i dun like ur sister.

i try not to picture us 10 yrs ltr like how u always do. im too cowardly. i dun have the courage to face wat might happen to us. ur mum, ur dad, ur sis, ur bro. i wonder how they'll react if u tell them wats going on between us. i dun wan to be the problem. i dun wan to come between u and ur family.

i think tats all i hafta say for now. i cant think. jesus. i think im going nuts.