cheesy.

i love my mother. i really do. if i was still that rebellious brat a few years back, i'd be all like 'urgh. i fucking hate my mum. i wish she dies alone and gets raped by necrophiliac creeps.'

i genuinely think i've grown past that rebellious phase even though i'm really just only 18. there's more for me to discover. more for me to learn. but fillial piety is one lesson i'd never forget. one virtue i'd never let go of.

okay cheesiness aside (hehe), i think my whole family knows about my sexual orientation. and they all seem to be fine with it! even the grandparents! cuz, you know, stereotypical chinese grandparents are supposed to be conservative and all. but not my ahma ahgong. nuh uh. liberalism is embraced by the Chew family! hahaha.

NOTE: before today, i've never officially came out to my family members. like "mum, im bi/gay" kind. NEVER. but i do know my mum knows, cuz i dun bother acting straight when i had my boyfriends come over for dinner and stuff.

so i was in the car with my mum and we were just casually chatting abt my sis. and that kind of led to the Mother talking abt how she's always been supportive of whatever my sister and I do. which led to her saying she knows about our "social lives because of the people [we] bring home". and THAT led her to casually talk about her accepting me for my sexual orientation.

and im just sitting in the passenger seat thinking, "oh wow. i love u mum. i knew u knew, but i didnt know you'd be so supportive"

but i didn't say all that la. darn me and my ego for refusing to get cheesy with my mother haha!

so in all, im SO grateful i have such a supportive mother. plus, she's an independent woman and is really funny! I hope she gets a boyfriend soon hah! <3

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assembling a fan has proven to be an efficient family bonding activity.

spent about half an hour with my mother and brother racking our brains trying to assemble this new fan we got from ikea. it's up and running now by the way :p

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"now you're just somebody that i used to know"

and i'm so much better off.

having trouble teaching my younger bro math and english. every question seems ridiculously easy for me now but having to explain how the answers are gotten is a daunting task haha. how the hell do you teach division in math?! i wish he paid more attention in class so i don't have to do his teacher's job. urgh.

ive never been good with the technical terms in English. past simple past participle infinitive whatever~ i know a proper sentence when i see one. but bringing them apart and defining the function (?) of each word in the sentence is impossible for me lol.

it gets infuriating after a couple times of me explaining a question and him still not getting it. patience is a virtue i desperately need.

the story's over now. the end.

i want to be educated, articulate and independent

so i've been running every two days for almost a month now. well i've always done that until school work started taking over my life urgh. but now i have the time to run again! and i guess all the running paid off because i'm currently at 51kg which puts me in the borderline underweight range :o

....

i wanna try bungee jumping because i think free falling (sort of) would be a "euphorically morbid experience".

.....

so i was talking to E about collecting stuff. he's such an interesting fella i swear. he collects pitcher plants, venus flytraps and whatnot. all the quirkiness awards go to him.

the idea of watering your pitcher plants every morning till they grow stronger and start eating flies is rather provoking though. i want that. i shld probably start collecting something too. just to make myself more interesting lol

.....

watched Act of Valor in the theatres today. i appreciate the message the film carries but the script was cliche and the acting was unconvincing. what i saw in the theatre was a long winded, self-righteous, awkwardly performed piece of work. the only redeeming factor was the camerawork and the action scenes. but even the trailer for The Hunger Games which came up before said film got me more pumped up.

.....

and i just realised this post has nothing to do with it's title lolol. maybe i'll whine about independence some other time. ciao~

i love the sound of rain smashing against my window.

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E and i were discussing our favourite music genres and singers.

1. metallica isnt half bad

2. diana krall is the queen of jazz

3. michael buble is -swoon-

4. james brown is the godfather of soul

5. eva cassidy :(

6. sarah mclachlan touches the depth of your soul (ha!)

7. jack johnson should marry me and serenade me every night.

8. Red Hot Chili Peppers foreverrrr~

and i found out that t.a.t.u sang one of my favourite childhood songs hoho.

so in short, E and i have almost the same taste in music. he doesn't like Florence, boohoo.

E: "someone who listens to jazz is someone with character. befriend these people and you'll never go wrong. that's what i heard."

Me: "i can be quite a cunt at times though"

.....

so this morning my aunt insisted i have breakfast with her even after i told her i hadn't gotten any sleep yet. but breakfast was interesting enough. apparently, the Mother (my mum, duh) is leaving for shanghai in june for a 1 week vacation with her friends, but she's gonna leave my younger bro, whose like 8, in singapore.

now, this would be totally fine if his dad was still living with us. but since my mum chased him out, and my bro doesnt wanna spend the week with his dad at the latter's place, nobody's gonna be taking care of my bro.

and i would if i could. well actually i could but hey, i have a life too okay. hahaha. and i'll most probably be really busy with school work during that period of time. so in short, i'll make a terrible guardian.

so grandma and aunt were discussing this situation and that led to them criticizing the Mother's parenting skills, which led to them telling my bro what a brat he is. so i was basically just sitting there watching the conversation take place in third person while refraining from making any snark comments about the Mother and them.

throughout that "discussion", i was wondering why grandma and aunt couldn't just volunteer to take my bro into their care for that week.

-shrugs-

.....

playing Jack Johnson on repeat. i need to go to a tropical island with my sweetheart and just frolic around the beach.

it's been a while.

.....

if exercising can provide an escape from my own thoughts, i'd work out everyday.

.....

somberness aside, i've been craving for cigarettes more frequently than food. sounds insignificant, i know, but it's always been the other way round. screw it, i dun even feel like eating anything these days. gonna save up as much money as i can and idk, go for plastic surgery or something, ha! i've been getting these acne outbreaks that really piss the fuck out of me. puberty better be done soon.

.....

it's a warm night. i've been sleeping at 7am and waking up at 7pm. kinda like a routine now. can't wait to start working so i can get my life back in order. waking up that late means i always hafta go running in the middle of the night. paranoia~

.....

as much i hate to admit it, i thought a lot about you last night. dun get your hopes up though. i'm just... starting to appreciate sunsets.

K.L