stalker, pls die so i don't have to deal with you anymore. just fucking drop dead and die. i won't care. i will not be affected at all. not in the least bit. please just die. jump off a building and fucking die.

instead of giving my number out to random strangers, here's an idea for fun. kill yourself. literally kill yourself. like, don't even end up in a coma. just die. cardiac arrest, bam. die.

instead of pretending to be me, why not die? it's a lot more fun i swear. kill yourself, i mean it. 

nah you probably wouldn't do it because you have no guts and you just hide behind that computer screen of yours giving out my number.

i can't believe i'm this affected again. i must be so tired. alright goodnight stalker. and rmb, die ;)

welp, i guess i have a boyfriend now. not really sure of the situation but this it i suppose. 

i'm not as happy as i thought i'd be. but i shouldn't expect to feel exactly how i did in my first r/s huh.

oh well, goodnight.

i might actually fall in love again ha.

i guess it doesnt really matter if you mean it but just hearing you say that you'll be here for me whenever i'm upset makes it so much better.

it seems juvenile, i know, but you really gotta be in those moments to understand how it feels.

idk man. maybe i'm just excited about finding love again.

heck, i dun even know if i could call it love. well, whether or not this results in a desirable relationship or an utter wreck, i'm looking forward to it.

"lost all my friends like money, lost all my men to the sky"
.....

i've realized that i spend most of my time smoking and listening to depressing music.

and sleeping around hoho.

no worries, i'm cautious enough not to catch anything. if you get what i mean.
.....

school's starting soon. can't wait actually. i need to bury myself in work.

speaking of work, i'm still waiting for H to get back to me about the bellboy job. sounds fun. i believe i'm physically strong enough to carry luggages. i hope i am. it'll be embarrassing if i can't.
.....

i've been listening to kimbra a lot. she's underrated.
.....

i need to start going to the gym to work on my legs. they're too weak. 

so apparently K is in the ICU right now. 

i guess i have a tendency to date suicidal people huh.

if my ex, K, does wind up killing himself, i don't think it will have much effect on my life. 

everybody's going to die someday. might as well be today. 

if i die today, i don't think i'll mind that much. of course i'll have much to regret. then again, we'll always have mistakes we wish we could correct. in that sense, it doesnt matter if you feel like you haven't lived properly because we'll all end up the same.

if you do kill yourself, you're a brat then. it's not as if you don't have a choice. you can still change how you're going to be remembered after you're gone. but idk. if you wanna kill yourself, go ahead. it's your life. do whatever you want with it.

you have to know how to let go. you have to know how to give people the space they need. you cant just go to ppl's houses and refuse to leave. you cant call someone every single day and then go to their houses and knock on their doors when they don't pick up. you cant threaten to kill yourself when the other party says no. but i've had enough of the harassing and you trying to have sex with me at every opportunity you get. that's it. you wanna kill yourself? go ahead.

i enjoy spending time with my taekwondo mates much much more than with my fms schoolmates. perhaps its because the tkd people arent as superficial. 

i'm not very sure actually. 

i just feel that much more accepted when i'm with them. fms students all have a particular agenda with whatever they do. 

maybe i'm just being cynical.

 still, i'm thankful for the 2 remaining friends i have from fms who've stuck with me from the beginning of semester 1. bless them.

mother doesnt know how to discipline her younger son (orton), so i've got to do the parenting. and i hate how she keeps being the child here.

 i believe she's going through a midlife crisis. she has this desire to go clubbing frequently, she spends a shitload amount of money on skin care products to make herself look younger, and every night, after she gets home from work, she complains about how tough her life is. not only that, she changes jobs every few months.

she doesn't guide orton with his homework and she gives him money when she's out and expects him to go out and buy food for himself. and her excuse is? she's teaching her son independence. 

for god's sake woman, this son you speak of is 8. and you've been doing this since he's 6. he does not have the maturity or sense to take care of himself. that's why i have to settle his meals and his schoolwork. 

this is ridiculous. you can be as irresponsible as you want, even as an adult, if you don't have any responsibilities. but you're a parent now. you need to act like one.

People tell me that i'm always busy and i don't bother making time for friends. some of my closer friends complain that my schedule doesnt allow for us to hang out but i actually don't have plans most of the time and i'm frequently available. maybe they just don't like me and are making excuses for not asking me out. oh well.

i think my tastes have changed. im no longer into older guys. well, i still am. but i used to be attracted to  men around their 30s. now i'm more inclined to sleeping with guys in their early 20s. i'm not saying there's anything wrong with dating older men though. age is but a number. maybe this is just a phase. who knows.