it sucks that I don't have the ability to simply be friends with guys. I always want something more. And it's not even lust. I just want to be loved by them. I guess this desire to be loved by guys comes from me not ever feeling loved by any male individuals when I was younger. I don't know for sure but I don't like the way I am. I just want some guy friends and feel like a normal male teenager for once.

I usually try and be mature about my insecurities and affirm myself that I am capable of ignoring this inferiority I get. but these feelings have been coming back rather frequently. Maybe I'm just tired.